Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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