The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
