did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
