I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
