One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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