so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
