shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
