Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
