Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
