Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
