Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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