He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
