I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
