I'm drive I can fine osifer
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
