Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
