I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
