im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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