As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
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and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
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Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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