A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
