Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
