I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
