grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
