With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
