I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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