My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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