drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
