i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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