she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
