nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
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The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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