I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
