some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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