you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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