I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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