operation harelip BJ is a go
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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