Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I am naked and annoyed.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
