Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
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