I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
