as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
