So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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