at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
