Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You may now shotgun with the bride
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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