I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
