He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
