If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
