I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
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The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize