So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low