Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.