apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
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Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels