i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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