this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
