this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
