my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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