Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
