I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
