watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
