he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
