i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
