I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
