woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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