How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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