i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
