there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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