we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I understand Curling. That high.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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