Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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