We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
even my farts smell like vagina
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
