well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
